When I was heartbroken in 2013, a lot of people tried to cheer me up, but no one felt like they came to rescue me. They couldn’t get to me. But I didn’t want to be just rescued, I wanted someone to love me. I wanted someone to rescue me by loving me. But since I wasn’t ready to make any new bonds, that option seemed farfetched at best and I was left to my own devices. I wrote the song ‘To Be Rescued’ because I wanted someone to pick me out of the abyss I’d landed myself into, but no one came. I wanted love to rescue me. Someone I could call my own, someone who would say, “It’s going to be okay, I’m here for you, whenever you’re ready.” But no one said that to me. And I felt I’m all alone in the world.
I climbed out of that hole after 1.5 years, cause I was bored of wallowing in my grief, I was tired of being sad and longing for the asshole who didn’t give a rat’s ass about me. And when I was ready to make new relationships again, Edlyn said, “You know you’re not the only one. Each one of us has gone through what you’re going through.” And that was such a relief, knowing that I’m not the only person feeling so much heartache. That’s probably when I became more kind and understanding towards what others are going through and connected with them on a deeper level.
I wouldn’t say I have healed completely, cause I haven’t forgiven Sarah for how she treated me. But I have put it in the past by throwing her out of my life. There is still a lot of hate I have for her, but I don’t wish to act on it and cause any harm to her. So, it’s best to leave the hate buried somewhere. As long as I keep my distance and never make contact, I’m sure I won’t let the hate resurface.
The song became my anthem, I understood how everyone is going through pain in their life, and at times they need to be rescued. So, now I make an attempt to help anyone and everyone I can who asks for help or look like they need rescuing. And if it comes to it, I will help and rescue them even if they’ve broken my heart, cause I loved them with all I had, and watching them in pain is not something I can tolerate. But I won’t be able to stick around and share any happy moments with them, cause that bridge was burnt the moment they said no to me.
I want to be that person, the superhero, who rescues anyone and everyone, at least one or two times. If they keep doing bad deeds then I won’t help them. But as long as they are good people and ask for help, I don’t mind lending a helping hand. I don’t want anyone to feel as alone and lonely as I felt back then, and even if I can’t rescue or help them, I can at least try and show that I came to rescue you. I’ll at least be able to say, “It’s going to be okay, I’m here for you, whenever you’re ready.”
