I was all alone this Diwali, in 2022, cause I had kicked out all my friends for being bad friends, each one for a different fuck-up. If I count, I had 4 extremely close friends, Plum, Iris, BitchAlert, and Polar Bear, or so I thought. But I had 0 by June 2022.
And the one I fell in love with, Urvi, said she didn’t have feelings for me, and left, despite knowing the fact that I had 0 friends left to bank on.
I think the heartbreak didn’t hurt me so much as the fact that she didn’t give a fuck about me at all, bothered only about herself, and left. 6 months of bonding turned to dust in an instant. Always survival-mode. Always self-serving. Not knowing love begins and ends with giving first. Not knowing Love cannot be taken. Or my Love wasn’t enough for her, or she didn’t like the way I loved. I wonder if she even realized that I loved her. Anyway, moving on.
So, it was a lonely Diwali this October, and I don’t enjoy spending Diwali with my parents because frankly, we have nothing in common to talk about.
They don’t enjoy a single activity I like and I don’t enjoy any of the activities they are accustomed to.
So I bit my tongue and suffered in silence.
I asked my newest friend, Meghana, if she’d be willing to spend Diwali with me even if Diwali was way past gone. And she jumped at the opportunity. So, once she was back from her vacation, we planned a day we were both free and celebrated Diwali in our own way. I celebrated Diwali 12 days late this year. And we both didn’t care what the world thought. For me Diwali or any festival for that matter is a time when you spend with your loved one, doing something you love to do.
I celebrated Diwali lighting Diyas, talking for an hour, fixing up the lights in my home, taking part in the ritual of Aarti, having Chinese take-out, watching ‘Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na’, and hugging my dearest friend. I’m glad I didn’t miss Diwali this year, among all the disastrous things that happened to me, I am proud that I survived all on my own, but hate that all my most cherished close friends acted like jerks. They indeed broke my heart, and there is no way I’m going to tolerate a shitty commitment to friendship.
Cause as Kakashi Sensei says:
In the Ninja world, those who break the rules are Scum.
But those who abandon their friends are worse than Scum.
PS: I missed Iris the most this Diwali. But then, I miss her every day.
